Monday, November 11, 2013

Photo Inspired Free Verse


Lois would always wonder what it felt like for a mother to hear her baby laugh for the first time.  And now she knew. It was something special. It was the realization that there was a living, breathing human being in front of her, and she made it. Any feeling her little bundle of joy felt, she felt as well. When he was happy and smiling, she was happy and smiling. When he was sad, she was sad. He never left her side. Through thick and thin they were together. One day, he would grow up and resent being called her little bundle of joy. He would get acne and stress over the acne. He would get a girlfriend and stress over the girlfriend. (Actually, he would get many girlfriends.) Through all the stress and teenage angst, she would be there to help him through it. Most of the time, he would seem ungrateful, but actually, he is grateful for everything she did.

Lois would always wonder what it felt like

for a mother to hear her baby laugh for the first time 

And now she knew. It was something special.

It was the realization that there was

a living, breathing human being in front of her, and she made it

Any feeling her little bundle of joy felt, she felt as well

 When he was happy and smiling, she was happy and smiling.

When he was sad, she was sad. He never left her side.

Through thick and thin they were together.

One day, he would grow up and resent

being called her little bundle of joy.

He would get acne and stress over the acne.

He would get a girlfriend and stress over the girlfriend.

(Actually, he would get many girlfriends.)

Through all the stress and teenage angst, she would be there to help him through it.

Most of the time, he would seem ungrateful, but actually, he is grateful for everything she did

Thursday, November 7, 2013

NOODLES


As Billy the bear grew up, his parents realized that he wasn’t normal. Billy was obsessed with cooking. This bear wouldn’t scavenge for food, but rather take the deer back home, sprinkle them with basil and rosemary, cook them on a spit over an open fire, and then serve them on fine china. He would turn deer carcasses into gourmet venison.

Billy’s father, however, did not like this. One day, when Billy was preparing a yogurt parfait, Billy’s father just couldn’t take it anymore. “Billy! You put down that weird, fruity, delicious treat right now!” “But dad, I’m almost done with the finishing touches”, responded Billy.

Billy’s father continued, “You know what? Get out! I’m tired of you and your shenanigans! You are banished from the forest!”

So Billy was forced to leave his home. On his walk to nowhere, he noticed a crying animal on the side of the trail. It was a raccoon. Having nothing better to do, he walked up to the raccoon. “How goes it, stranger?” said Billy. “Terrible”, replied the raccoon. “My father just banished me from my home because of my awesome talent.” “And would that be?” said Billy. “I’m an awesome cook, but my father is just disappointed in me “said the raccoon. “Same here”, responded Billy. “What do you say we travel together and see what we can make of ourselves?” suggested the raccoon. “Sounds good to me!” said Billy. “Oh, and the name’s Riley. “said the raccoon.

So Billy and Riley went on their way. A little ways down, they noticed a crying snail on the side of the trail. They stopped by, and the snail’s story turned out to be the same as Billy’s and Riley’s. So Sullivan the snail, Billy the bear, and Riley the raccoon set out into the world together. One day, they happened onto a small village. Hoping to get a decent bite to eat, they checked it out. But low, there were starving animals all around. They asked a poor, old owl in the streets where they could get something to eat.

She said, “Something to eat? There’s nothing to eat in this village, you’ll have to look elsewhere.” Billy, Riley, and Sullivan were all very perturbed about this. So they went to see the mayor. The mayor, a fat pig named Percival, looked surprised when they asked if there was anything to eat. “Sorry boys, but food is quite scarce in this village because everyone living here is so picky, but there are no good cooks.” This gave the boys an idea.

They set up a gourmet noodle station in town square. This station attracted all the townspeople and gave those picky eaters something good to fill their starving stomachs. Word of this spread all across the land, and soon Billy’s father, Riley’s father, and Sullivan’s father came to their sons. “Golly, son. I’m so sorry that I took you for a useless, no-good troublemaker. I guess that no matter they do or what they’re good at, everyone is important.” Billy’s father finally realized that he shouldn’t be ashamed of his son for being good at something different. Everybody went back home.

And they lived happily ever after.

 
 



Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Questions about my kids book. Answered.

-Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
-J.K. Rowling
-Yes
-Lists J.K. Rowling's acheivements
-Harry Potter is in the middle of the cover, holding a wand in one hand and a big, golden egg in the other. The bottom of the cover is covered by a dragon's tail. 3 people are around Harry Potter. In the background is a dog and a death eater
-734
-Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Albus Dumbledore, Fluer Delacour, Snape, Cedric Diggory, Viktor Krum, Barty Crouch,  Voldemort
-Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
-Harry is in a competition between schools. He is competing in 3 challenges to represent his school. Little does he know there is trickery afoot.
-yes
-once
-yes
-yes
-yes
-yes
-yes
-above each chapter
-no
-no
-no
-yes
-no
-As Hagrid had said, what would come...and he would have to meet it when it did.
-all ages
-yes, I already did

Monday, November 4, 2013

Teddy Make You Deady

Staring at the teddy bear, a look of disgust crossed Samantha’s face. It was February 19, 1976, Samantha Michel’s 16th birthday. She couldn’t believe her eyes. When she got home from school, she went upstairs to her room to find a brand new teddy bear sitting on her bed. Beside it was a card that read “To: Samantha. From: Mom Have a Happy Birthday!” This is how she knew her mother knew nothing about her. Samantha was a tomboy; she didn’t want a stupid teddy bear! Teddy bears were for toddlers and Samantha was no toddler. She was becoming a woman, she didn’t want this garbage. This was an insult to her intelligence! Fuming, she went downstairs to make herself something to eat.

She looked through the pantry, found some peanut butter and decided to make a peanut butter sandwich. Her mother was very strict and didn’t want Samantha raiding the pantry without permission. But since today was a Tuesday and her mom didn’t get off work until 10 on Tuesdays, she could pretty much do whatever she wanted. She hated her mother anyways and disobeyed her wishes pretty much whenever she could. With her sandwich, she jumped on the couch, kicked up her muddy feet and turned on the TV. She cheered when the Happy Days theme song started playing. This was her favorite show! Her favorite character was Fonzie. Just as she got comfortable, the sound of breaking glass made her jump to her feet.

She looked in the direction the sound came from. Upstairs? There was nobody in the house besides her, let alone upstairs. Regardless, she made her way to the stairs, only to slip and fall on the hardwood. A sharp pain ran up her arm starting at her elbow. Cursing as she rubbed the painful area, she noticed water on the floor. So that’s what had caused her to slip. She sat there confused for a moment. Then it hit her! Her fish tank! She (avoiding the water) ran upstairs to her room, pushed the door open and gasped. Her fish aquarium! It was in a million pieces on the floor! Her fish were frantically jumping in the gigantic puddle that was now her room. She scrambled downstairs to get a vase to put them in, but slipped at the top step and slid down the entire staircase. She was on her back when she landed on the bottom step. She groaned in pain, slowly getting up and regaining her senses. Her entire body ached. “Damn, these hardwood stairs!” She got up, limping and grabbed a vase. Cursing, she fumbled up the stairs with the full vase in her hands.

When she got to her room, she noticed the teddy bear. It was sitting on the bed where she left it, but she didn’t like the way it was positioned. Sitting straight up, it seemed to stare at her. She shivered then realized that she was up here to save the fish. She picked them all up by the tail and dropped them into the vase. Some swam around, but others just floated motionless. She sighed and put the vase on the table. She walked out of the room to get a towel to clean up some of the mess. When she walked back into the room, the teddy bear wasn’t on the bed. She stood still for a second. She could have sworn it just on the bed! Shaking her head at her own foolishness, she started to clean up the mess.

After she finished cleaning up (it took more than one towel), she headed towards the door so that she could go downstairs and resume watching TV. She jumped! In the doorway was the teddy bear. Samantha grabbed the teddy bear and threw it at the wall. At this point, she was too annoyed to wonder how the teddy bear was moving around.

She went back downstairs (paying no attention to the water still on the stairs) and started watching TV again. As soon as she as she got comfortable again, she heard a loud thud come from the kitchen. She rolled her eyes as she got up from the couch. This was ridiculous. Could she just watch her program in peace without something randomly breaking?! On the kitchen floor was one of their metal pots. ‘What the hell?” Samantha said. The teddy bear sat on the counter. Now she knew something was wrong. She didn’t have any brothers or sisters who could play a prank like this on her. Now she was genuinely frightened. As she stared into the teddy bear’s black, beady eyes, a chill ran down her spine. She squinted her eyes. Was the teddy bear smiling at her? No, it couldn’t have been. That was crazy! She quickly grabbed it and ran upstairs. She threw at the wall again, and closed the door. She hurriedly went downstairs and returned to the couch.

She froze. When she got to the couch the teddy bear was waiting there for her. She had not seen the teddy bear move, but it must have been moving. How else could she explain this? She stood there for a while, staring at the teddy bear. She inched towards it. Slowly, she extended her shaking hand out to the stuffed animal. The bear sat totally still. She barely touched its ear, when it lashed out at her. She screamed, quickly pulling her hand back. She looked at the bloody holes now in her flesh, then back at the teddy bear. It was on its feet now, sharp, jagged and now bloody teeth bared with black, angry eyes. “HAHAHA!” boomed the bear. It had a surprisingly deep, mannish and raspy voice. The sound of it made Samantha snap out her trance and fall backwards. The bear jumped from the couch, running towards Samantha. Samantha kicked the bear away from her, making it hit the couch and ricochet onto the floor. The bear immediately got back on its feet. “Now that was just rude”, said the bear with that mannish, raspy voice with a horrifying, bloody smile. “I’m going to give you a chance to apologize for that.” Samantha lay there, horrified and mouth gaping. “Well?” said the bear. “I’m waiting!” Samantha remained frozen. “In that case…” The bear then ran at Samantha again. Samantha responded again by trying to kick it, but the bear avoided Samantha’s foot and latched onto her ankle with its grotesque teeth.

As Samantha howled in pain, the bear tightened its grip. Blood ran down Samantha’s ankle. “What the hell are you?!” screamed Samantha. The bear ignored this question and tightened its grip even more, now shaking his head vigorously, tearing Samantha’s flesh. Samantha looked around her and picked up the first thing she saw, the TV remote. She raised the remote over her head and brought it down on the bear’s head. She heard a crack and the bear lay still. Shaking, she pulled the limp bear off of her and threw it ten feet. The bear rolled a few times before stopping. She looked at her ankle. It had many punctures in it and the skin was unrecognizable, and blood was swimming down her ankle and foot.

She got up and limped into the bathroom on the first floor, blood dripping on the hardwood. As she rummaged through the drawers, she got a glimpse of something move in the doorway. She looked in that direction and saw nothing. She thought for a moment, then grabbed a towel and headed for the doorway. When she inched her foot through the doorway the bear lurched from beside the doorway for her ankle. Samantha pulled her ankle back and caught the bear in the towel. The bear cursed and squirmed in the towel, but Samantha kept hold of it. She picked up the towel with the bear in it and swung it over her head hitting the hardwood floor. The bear screamed obscenities at Samantha, but Samantha ignored them and swung the towel over head again. Then again. Then again. She stopped. The lump in the towel lay still. She nudged it with her foot. No response. She kicked it with her foot. No response. She swung the towel over her shoulder and headed into the garage, where she knew there was plenty of tools to rip this damned stuffed animal to shreds. She set the towel down with the bear still in it.

She looked around for some shears to tear up the bear. She heard the sound of metal scrap on the stone garage floor behind her. She turned around to see the bear have a shovel more than twice its size in its paws. The shovel was swung and came in direct contact with her head, knocking her to the floor. As she drifted off into unconsciousness, she saw the teddy bear stand over her. With that horrible, evil grin on its face. That truly evil grin.

Childhood Questions. Answered.

Q: What cartoon from your childhood is the most memorable for you? What made it stick in your head so strongly? Would you see a movie of it now if were made into a big blockbuster for the nostalgia purposes?
A: I watched and grew up with many cartoons when I was younger. Ed, Edd, and Eddy, Spongebob Squarepants, Teen Titans, Johnny Bravo, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Jimmy Neutron, Fairly Odd Parents, Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, Pokemon etc. These cartoons kept me entertained in my early years and I have many fond memories of watching them. I would definitely see a movie of all of them for nostalgia purposes, even though most of them were already made into movies, though they didn’t hit the big screen.
Q: What did you collect as a child? What did you like about these items?
A: I collected Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, Pokemon cards, and coins. My Pokemon cards I gave away, but I kept my Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.
Q: Describe your most interesting relative.
A: Many people will not believe me, but I am a very distant cousin to the 15th president, James Buchanan. Related by marriage.
Q: You have been given the opportunity to go backwards. You can pick an age and start over again from that age. Do you pick one or not? What age would you go to? Describe your first week with your "old person" memories in your younger body.
A: Going back in time to when you are younger with the experience of being older so that you have all the answers is fun and all, but I think it is best to leave the past like the past. Everything happens for a reason and I think we should respect the universe for making it the way it did.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Recipe for Disaster

The following is the recipe for a potion that makes the one taking the potion afraid that any conspiracy theories are true. So basically it makes you an idiot.
1 medium-sized yak
1 poisonous mushroom
1 orange hat
1 teaspoon of salt
1 tablespoon of vinegar
1 blond woman
1 beating heart
4 cups of 2% milk
1 cup of orange juice
1 strand of a large dog’s hair
1 small dog
1 adorable little kitten
A dash of basil
A sprinkle of love
Instructions: Boil water in a large cauldron. Take all of the living ingredients and throw them into the large cauldron. After their horrifying screams of agony die down, pour the milk into the cauldron and mix it all up. When you’re done, the mixture should be a beautiful purple color. Chop the beating heart into cubes and mix the cubes into the cauldron. Sprinkle the salt in there next. Treat the orange hat with care as you toss it into the mixture. Dice the poisonous mushroom and sprinkle that into the mixture. Sprinkle the basil in, then the orange juice, then the vinegar. You cannot mess up that order! After all the ingredients are added, let the potion stand for 3 days. After the 3 days, you can then serve it to whomever you please.

My Favorite Candy?!

My favorite Halloween treats are as follows: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup (in the shape of a pumpkin or whatever it doesn’t matter), Starburst (who doesn’t love Starburst with Mountain Dew to wash it down?), Snickers (Because I am a major chocoholic), Nerds (I love the fruity tang), Skittles (So fun to put 30 skittles in my mouth and slowly chew them-so tasty!), Now and Laters (I’d rather have them now, thank you very much), M&Ms (Didn’t I say I was a chocoholic?), Crunch (I love chocolate and I love crisp rice), Laffy Taffy (I love how they taste and they come with a joke at the same time!), Icebreakers (Unfortunately I’ve never had anyone give me these, someone should definitely start), Tic Tacs ( I love these more than Icebreakers). What am I saying? I love all candy!